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A Whole Year

So, um, I guess I took a little break from writing.   Looks like it's been well over a year since I last posted.   I get funny about writing sometimes.  I love doing it however,  when you have had your trust violated, like I did a few years back, sometimes it is not so easy to out your thoughts out in the world because you never know what shit-head will use them against you.   On the opposing side of this thought is another one..."Does anyone really care about what I write?"   Probably not.

Let's see, in the last year, I quit a job.  I've never done that before but my boss left and I didn't want to be left there working without him because I have been the last person on the ship before and it sucks.  When I left the last studio I was forced to leave and I told myself I never should have stayed so long and worked in misery.  So I learned from that experience and applied it to this job.   Yes, I could have stayed and collected a paycheck but it wouldn't have been fun.  So I took a stand and took a chance.  So, I went from being employed to freelancing and working sometimes over the course of the last year.    I'm okay with that because for several months it allowed me to be" Mom" to my precious little  kiddo and it's allowed me to be "PTA Mom" and experience the life of volunteering for a good cause. I found out that I like that world but yet something was still missing.

I have a secret theory that women can not have it all because of the "guilt."   Mom Guilt is a powerful thing.   When you are working you want to be with the kids and when you aren't you want to work and have something for yourself.  I've tried both worlds and I like both of them but it would be cool to find a world where you can balance it all.  I am still searching for that world.

When kiddo was born I worked in the studio world and I missed kiddo and when I left at 6pm everyday my coworkers in my new group hated me because I wasn't staying until 9pm to gossip.  Afterward, I found work with an old boss who allowed me to have a life but rushing from across town to my child's school everyday by 6pm was stressful.   It worked though until the company I was working for just wasn't something I wanted to be a part of any longer.   Then freelancing was great because I could work on materials I loved and have time with kiddo and volunteer but sometimes there is a lot of downtime and I sit at home twiddling my thumbs.   Is there ever a perfect balance?

I'm not sure but I keep looking for it.   I am a big believer in "the Universe" and I am pretty sure someone is always looking out for us if we just stay positive.  Looking back over these last 7 years I have been in the jobs that I needed to be in that were conducive to my life and I am grateful.

This week, I have an opportunity with a company I greatly admire for a position that I guess you could call a "Dream Job."  It's a dream because it's for a company I love doing something I like to do. I am super excited about the opportunity but also, scared at the same time that life could change drastically yet again.  I guess life is an ever changing whirlwind.  Just when one thing ends another thing starts.

I've also boughten a lottery ticket for a pot that is worth over a billion dollars.  So if I win that pot tomorrow night, my life would change drastically as well.   Kiddo says we could go live on an island if we won.  Can you imagine winning the lottery?   A lot of people say it is actually a curse but what if you won and could be curse-free?   Would you actually do everything you say you would do if you won without going bankrupt?  Hum.





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