I'm going back to work next week and once again my head is spinning! I am both excited at the new opportunity and sad at the same time. When I was laid off 4 months ago I was pulling my hair out. I didn't know what I would do. I didn't know if I would ever work again, as finding work in Hollywood can be the easiest thing and the most hardest thing.
Additionally, after what I had just been through with my last situation, I wasn't sure I wanted to go back to work. Loosing one's job is an emotional roller coaster. It's like going through a death in a family. You really do get angry, you really do mourn a loss and hopefully, if you get over the resentment, you look to the future. It took me a few months to stop having bad dreams and let go of people who hurt me but I feel like with the new year, I found the courage to be open to new opportunities.
This is the second time I have been laid off from a company. The first time I was just starting my career. This time I'm a lot closer to retirement. I have to say, I kept positive from the minute I found out, as it wasn't exactly a surprise to me. My layoff was more of a surprise in the fact, "Oh, they really did this to me." I knew it was coming because I was miserable and I was at the point that something had to give. So when I heard the words spoken that i no longer had a job I felt relieved I had been set free from my horrible situation, positive that it was the right thing but scared because I didn't know what came next.
With my layoff, I found myself with a unique opportunity for once in my life. Monetarily I didn't have to go back to work so I could be choosey about what I did next. Do I look for work? Or do I become a stay at home mom? The worker in me got on the job boards, networked, and set up lunches and dinners but the mom in me, said stay at home with your child. I turned down a temp job at Fox because of the money and the drive and because at the time, I needed a break and I wanted to spend time with my daughter.
When I got let go, I wondered if I had the stuff to be a full time mom. When my daughter was born those 4 months I was on maternity leave were very hard for me. It was a big life adjustment. I would look forward to hubby coming home to get a break. I enjoyed moments with my child don't get me wrong but it was a challenge I had never faced before and it was hard mentally and physically. It's funny how life seems like it can be a struggle at the moment you are in it but looking back it doesn't seem so hard as you once thought it was.
When I first started my unemployment I was scared to be with P all day remembering those 4 hard months in the beginning of her life. But as I made mommy friends, joined mommy networks and just spent time with my wonderful little girl I found myself really enjoying my time with my kiddo. I got the confidence that I could do this full time mom thing. Truthfully, I was just getting into my days of being a full time mom when life presented an opportunity to go back to the working world.
My old boss called and without an interview offered me a position. It seemed like a good opportunity so I didn't hesitate to say yes, but as a mother, I can't help but feel guilty that I am loosing a big opportunity with my daughter and being there during her early development. It's hard to know what is the best choice. I'm a person who makes choices but always wonders about the flip side. Not that I have big regrets in life but I guess my overactive mind has to think about both sides of the coin before it can put a situation to bed.
Immediately, after I said yes, I had the thought "Am I doing the best thing for P?" The whole situation happened so quickly and I really thought I had more month of fun ahead of me so when it happened (in Sleeping Beauty's Castle at Disneyland) it was hard to know if I reacted in the right way.
I've spent the last few days analyzing my actions. My goal in working is to find something that makes me passionate as a creative person, contribute to society and to earn money so that my family has an easier time in life. Specifically, I want to make sure that P's college is paid for as both hubby and I had that taken care of and I really believe that starting life debt free has helped us in our journey to being responsible adults.
I could rationalize how both situations are the best thing for P but I guess in the end I have to follow my gut and my gut tells me going to work is a good thing. Alas, I know I am going to miss my carefree days with P. I had four months to watch her develop at this amazing time in her life! I know I will still have those days but sad as the number has been reduce to only two days a week, on the weekends and fleeting moments during the weekday. I really believe that daycare gave P a good start in life. I accredit it her being so social and smart.
So in trusting her daily care with someone else I have to believe that our new situation with a nanny share will be equally beneficial to her growth. The life lesson I learned from being laid off this time is never to stay in a situation that made me so miserable again. So if this doesn't work out I'm not scared to leave on my own accord. One has to take risks in life or risk being unhappy if they don't.
Today, I interviewed two nannies for the position of P's new caregiver. Both offered different situations. One, offered full time M-F care and the other, a nanny share aka where two families share a nanny. After learning I had a job I immediately, posted I needed help with the various mommy networks I had joined in my unemployment and immediately these two options presented themselves. I have to believe in "the power of positive thinking" and trusting things will be alright. With that in mind, I feel good about the situation we have in place to care for P when I go back to work Feb 3. But you can be assured I will be crying my eyes out when I leave my P behind.
Additionally, after what I had just been through with my last situation, I wasn't sure I wanted to go back to work. Loosing one's job is an emotional roller coaster. It's like going through a death in a family. You really do get angry, you really do mourn a loss and hopefully, if you get over the resentment, you look to the future. It took me a few months to stop having bad dreams and let go of people who hurt me but I feel like with the new year, I found the courage to be open to new opportunities.
This is the second time I have been laid off from a company. The first time I was just starting my career. This time I'm a lot closer to retirement. I have to say, I kept positive from the minute I found out, as it wasn't exactly a surprise to me. My layoff was more of a surprise in the fact, "Oh, they really did this to me." I knew it was coming because I was miserable and I was at the point that something had to give. So when I heard the words spoken that i no longer had a job I felt relieved I had been set free from my horrible situation, positive that it was the right thing but scared because I didn't know what came next.
With my layoff, I found myself with a unique opportunity for once in my life. Monetarily I didn't have to go back to work so I could be choosey about what I did next. Do I look for work? Or do I become a stay at home mom? The worker in me got on the job boards, networked, and set up lunches and dinners but the mom in me, said stay at home with your child. I turned down a temp job at Fox because of the money and the drive and because at the time, I needed a break and I wanted to spend time with my daughter.
When I got let go, I wondered if I had the stuff to be a full time mom. When my daughter was born those 4 months I was on maternity leave were very hard for me. It was a big life adjustment. I would look forward to hubby coming home to get a break. I enjoyed moments with my child don't get me wrong but it was a challenge I had never faced before and it was hard mentally and physically. It's funny how life seems like it can be a struggle at the moment you are in it but looking back it doesn't seem so hard as you once thought it was.
When I first started my unemployment I was scared to be with P all day remembering those 4 hard months in the beginning of her life. But as I made mommy friends, joined mommy networks and just spent time with my wonderful little girl I found myself really enjoying my time with my kiddo. I got the confidence that I could do this full time mom thing. Truthfully, I was just getting into my days of being a full time mom when life presented an opportunity to go back to the working world.
My old boss called and without an interview offered me a position. It seemed like a good opportunity so I didn't hesitate to say yes, but as a mother, I can't help but feel guilty that I am loosing a big opportunity with my daughter and being there during her early development. It's hard to know what is the best choice. I'm a person who makes choices but always wonders about the flip side. Not that I have big regrets in life but I guess my overactive mind has to think about both sides of the coin before it can put a situation to bed.
Immediately, after I said yes, I had the thought "Am I doing the best thing for P?" The whole situation happened so quickly and I really thought I had more month of fun ahead of me so when it happened (in Sleeping Beauty's Castle at Disneyland) it was hard to know if I reacted in the right way.
I've spent the last few days analyzing my actions. My goal in working is to find something that makes me passionate as a creative person, contribute to society and to earn money so that my family has an easier time in life. Specifically, I want to make sure that P's college is paid for as both hubby and I had that taken care of and I really believe that starting life debt free has helped us in our journey to being responsible adults.
I could rationalize how both situations are the best thing for P but I guess in the end I have to follow my gut and my gut tells me going to work is a good thing. Alas, I know I am going to miss my carefree days with P. I had four months to watch her develop at this amazing time in her life! I know I will still have those days but sad as the number has been reduce to only two days a week, on the weekends and fleeting moments during the weekday. I really believe that daycare gave P a good start in life. I accredit it her being so social and smart.
So in trusting her daily care with someone else I have to believe that our new situation with a nanny share will be equally beneficial to her growth. The life lesson I learned from being laid off this time is never to stay in a situation that made me so miserable again. So if this doesn't work out I'm not scared to leave on my own accord. One has to take risks in life or risk being unhappy if they don't.
Today, I interviewed two nannies for the position of P's new caregiver. Both offered different situations. One, offered full time M-F care and the other, a nanny share aka where two families share a nanny. After learning I had a job I immediately, posted I needed help with the various mommy networks I had joined in my unemployment and immediately these two options presented themselves. I have to believe in "the power of positive thinking" and trusting things will be alright. With that in mind, I feel good about the situation we have in place to care for P when I go back to work Feb 3. But you can be assured I will be crying my eyes out when I leave my P behind.