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No Time

Since becoming a mom in December I find myself with a lot of time, in the sense that I have 6 months off from work but, at the same time, I have no time at all. Does that make sense? I guess better put, I no longer have time to myself as I now live in my daughter's world. She doesn't live in mine, I live in hers and life is now about what she wants, when she wants it instead of what I want, when I want it.

While there is a lot of time in my day to day living, it is somehow very hard to get simple tasks like doing a load of laundry or cooking dinner done. My days are about figuring out how to get chores completed in a 10 hour time spand (the time hubby is at work). My day is dedicated to taking care of someone who is tiny and can't speak for herself. Well, she gurgles and oohs and aaawes. Anyway, you get my drift. Haven't had much time to update this blog although there is much to write about and much I want to document so I can remember it years from now. I guess I will have to trust my mind to recall all the events as I probably only have a few minutes to myself before my little one wakes up from her nap.

The question I get the most these days is "How is it being a mom?" It's kind of hard to answer as this is the first time I am experiencing it. I can tell you that the first month was the most difficult. I wasn't sure what I had signed up for. The second month I was bus getting into a groove and now the third month I am enjoying this little girl, this little personality that is emerging from the tiny body I am caring for. Her smile will melt your heart. In the mornings when she is awake in her bassinet I will pick her up and put her in bed with me. She will snuggle in close to my chest and rest her head in the crevasse of my neck. Its those precious moments that make you excited about this little life. You can't help but wonder what she will do next. YOu can't help but wonder what the final color of her eyes will be or her hair or what she will look like when she turns 2 or 3 or 5.

Yes, being a mom is hard. My old life is gone and now it's about building a new one that now includes this tiny body. I can tell you I worry a lot. I was always a worry wort but I feel like my worrying has intensified since becoming a mom because this tiny body comes with a lot of new things and I tend to worry until I find out its not worth worrying about. Other moms tell me the worry never goes away until they are married.

But worry aside, I now have this little person near me that makes me smile, laugh and most of all love. Being a parent is a bit indescribable because it's a flurry of ever changing emotions. I am looking forward to the ride and hopefully...more sleep.

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